I cannot pretend I am without fear. But my predominant feeling is one of gratitude. I have loved and been loved; I have been given much and I have given something in return; I have read and traveled and thought and written. I have had an intercourse with the world, the special intercourse of writers and readers. Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and adventure.
Oliver Sacks, Gratitude
What does gratitude mean to you? Have you ever tried to define it? I have been thinking about the attitude of gratitude a lot as life has been upended with COVID-19. When life circumstances shift quickly, what is your typical response? How quickly can you refocus and find stability? For me the practice of gratitude has a major role to play in my ability to live life on life’s terms.
Don’t underestimate the power of gratitude as I did. It can be a game changer. I tend to think of gratitude as a practice of pausing and looking for what is right in front of me. I try to recalibrate to the here and now rather than focusing on what is lacking. I look at my inner and outer resources to find support and safety the best I can. Something as simple as writing gratitude lists, meditating, and practicing being present in the moment the best I can has changed my entire outlook on life.
But that was not always my default nature and is not as easy as it sounds– for me I have to practice gratitude daily. I experienced a far amount of difficulty beginning a gratitude practice a few years back due to a lot of emotional and physical turmoil. Emotionally it seemed trite to refocus on simple things in the light of my overbearing circumstances of chronic pain and depression. Trying to rationalize and use logic did not help change my point of view either. My rational patterns of thought seemed to always center around “once I get here… or this passes… if I can just do this…. I will be ok”. That was a never ending black hole. Those intrusive thoughts don’t end once I reach that milestone or life deals me a better hand. It just moves on to the next challenge I’m having trouble accepting and wanting to change everything that’s really out of my ability to change in the first place.
My relationship to gratitude has profoundly changed over the last several years. The more I practice, the more often I find myself in a thankful state of mind. Gratitude helps remind me that I am not alone with my thoughts and that those thoughts are not what defines me. Finding the goodness in my life amidst adversity is not always an easy practice, but experience has taught me that life has more possibilities than anything I could conjure up in my head!
In trying to put my thoughts together last night, I asked my partner “How would you define gratitude?”. It surprised me when he started spouting off a whole monologue. Apparently he had been meditating of gratitude for the past week. Thankfully I was at my computer to type:
Gratitude is being thankful. But sometimes its not about your blessings, but about realizing that the pain you’ve had in your life was just as meaningful as the times you had a lot of joy. Its because you’ve learned a lesson you wouldn’t have learned otherwise. We get too focused sometimes on circumstances we can’t change. Gratitude is not always something you look forward to, but something you look back on. A lot of times it comes from looking at the past and seeing that the past has more value. Gratitude is being thankful for what’s going on right now, in every moment, and in every instance. That’s really hard thing to do, to recognize those blessings whether its a positive experience or negative experiences.
Mark Tryling
I think the part of Mark’s statement that floored me the most was the reference to the present moment– not just the good moments, but all the moments, in every instance. Oliver Sacks’ quote from his book Gratitude was written with the news of his terminal cancer and he was still able to acknowledge the privilege and accomplish the most he could to live a full life. Although I may find it uncomfortable or even difficult, it is a reminder to me that I can look in any direction I choose to look.
Life has shifted with the new reality of COVID-19 and the fear is palatable. As small business owners now on hiatus, both Mark and I have experienced a lot of fear. As family and friends have been threatened, as the unknown sets in, more fear. What’s the remedy, how do we start to shift from fear? Start by talking about gratitude. So we started a new game: when one of us starts to catastrophize, the other would stop and say aloud something to be grateful for– and then this goes on back and forth between us until both felt better. In truth there have been easy days and not so easy days, but the practice shifts along with us.
The practice of acknowledging and refocusing on what we have becomes vitally important in navigating the challenges we will all surely face in life. It is how we come to see the goodness, see the gifts that we have received, and are reminded that gifts are always present. It is how we heal the past and find hope for the future. It is how we stay connected and see our interconnectedness with one another and something greater than ourselves. My goal for the month of April is to double down on a daily practice of gratitude. I encourage you to contemplate, write, and share your thankfulness. I believe it will open us all up to even greater possibilities yet to come.
